What I Really Meant to Say
by Dali2theLlamasquared
Summary: Song fic! Kinda depressing. What happens when you're given a second chance...and you don't take it?


Hey guys!

Disclaimer: The characters are J.K.'s and the song is Cindy Thompson's. Okay, so don't sue me…because…ummm….I don't have anything worth taking.

What I Really Meant to Say

**_It took me by surprise_**

**_When I saw you standing there_**

Ginny held her glass with one hand, the other pushing back a loose strand of hair as she talked to Hermione. "So, Ron was telling me all about how excited he is. I told him to shove it because I'm still not telling him what your dress is like."

"Is he still trying?"

"Oh yes, here let me pay." Both women picked up their purses and turned to leave. Right by the door Hermione dropped the keys to her flat, and Ginny bent to pick them up. Standing, she found herself looking into familiar eyes. Ones that she wasn't expecting to see.

_**Close enough to touch**_

**_Breathing the same air_**

Breath caught in Ginny's throat. It had been years since she had last seen him. Her hand trembled with the effort of not reaching out to touch him.

_**You asked me how I'd been**_

**_I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine_**

"Miss Weasley," he nodded formally. Ginny took a deep breath, nerving herself up to talk. All she could do though was nod, not trusting her voice. "I trust you've been fine?" He was so cold, so uncaring.

Ginny did the same. "Yes, quite," she forced a smile. "And you?"

"Perfectly. Thank you."

_**Oh but baby I was lying**_

**_What I really meant to say_**

She wanted to scream. Ginny wanted to scream that she was sorry that she hadn't meant it, that he should have known. Admit that she still loved him, as if he still loved her.

**_Is I'm dying here inside_**

**_I miss you more each day_**

Hermione watched the struggle that took place inside of Ginny every day. She knew it had to do with this blonde-haired man, and she saw it killing her friend. Hermione had seen it especially when she had become engaged to Ron. It was then that she had truly seen a wilting flower in place of the blooming one she had known.

_**There's not a night I haven't cried**_

**_And baby here's the truth_**

You'd think that years later it would be easier, that you'd forget. Ginny found that those people thought wrong. It only became harder with time, and the nights became longer. She felt like she was walking through life without a map lost and alone.

_**I'm still in love with you**_

**_That's what I really meant to say_**

"Draco…I…" Clear grey eyes stared at her, emotionless. Determination set on her face, Ginny said what she didn't mean to. "Excuse me, I'm late." She regretted the words the instant they were out of her mouth; especially when she saw carefully hidden pain flash across his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ginerva," and with that he had brushed past her, leaving Ginny staring behind him.

_**And as you walked away**_

**_The echo of my words_**

It was the middle of Ginny's sixth year, and life wasn't really all that bad. She had found out that Draco Malfoy wasn't all he seemed…and somehow, fallen in love. Around December Draco had disappeared, not coming back until Christmas day. That was the worse Christmas of Ginny's life.

"Draco!" Ginny yelled running across the Great Hall and into his waiting arms. "I was so afraid you were dead! Don't leave like that ever again!" She grabbed his arm to pull him to the table, but let go when he flinched. "What is it, did you hurt your arm? Draco…you…you didn't…"

"Ginny," he said quietly, "They were going to…"

"You did didn't you! Draco Malfoy, you promised! You promised! I never want to see you again! I hate you!"

As she stormed out of the room she ignored whatever he was saying. Ginny didn't give Death Eaters the time of day.

_**Cut just like a knife**_

**_Cut so deep it hurt_**

Harry had told her later what Draco told him. "Ginny, Draco did it for you. They were threatening to kill you, and they had Bill hostage. They were going to kill him if Draco didn't get the Dark Mark."

The words had taken time to sink in, and when she went to ask Harry if they were true, it had been to late. Harry had died fighting Voldemort earlier that day, and there was no way she was asking Draco why he had done it.

Now she wished she had.

_**I held back the tears**_

**_Held on to my pride and watched you go_**

Ginny stood there, quietly stunned as she watched him chose a table and sit there alone…And ten pain filled her as she saw another woman sit down next to him. He had moved on. He had moved on and left her behind.

Tears were threatening, but if that was the way it was going to be, then fine. She'd find someone else too.

_**I wonder if you'll ever know**_

**_What I really meant to say_**

Draco struggled with the hurt that wanted to be set free. As his cousin sat down next to him he managed a smile. The words hadn't come out right, he hadn't wanted to be so distant. There was so many things he had needed to tell her. That he should have gone after her, that he still loved her, and that he was dying from cancer…He looked up to see disappearing red hair as his cousin tried to engage him in conversation.

_**Is I'm dying here inside**_

**_I miss you more each day_**

Draco Malfoy was coming close to the end. He had known it since the day he had seen Ginny Weasley. Draco hadn't taken his second chance, and if cancer didn't kill him, the pain in his heart would. Carefully Draco put the finishing touches on his will:

To Ginny Weasley I leave the diamond engagement ring I wanted to give her nine Christmases ago. I still love you.

_**There's not a night I haven't cried**_

**_And baby here's the truth_**

Draco felt the tears in his eyes. 'It's not right for a Slytherin to cry' he thought as he had every night. 'It's just not right.'

I'm still in love with you That's what I really meant to say 

He felt his life slipping away as he willed himself to finish the last sentence. Weakly Draco dipped his quill into the ink so he could sign his name, one last time. Even after his eyes closed in a never-ending sleep, a tear slipped down his cheek.

_**What I really meant to say**_

**_Is I'm really not that strong_**

"Ginny," said Ron quietly. "Draco Malfoy died yesterday, and he was holding this letter…it's addressed to you."

"Oh," whispered Ginny in shock. "Thank you." Shaking hands took the letter and slowly pried it open. The writing was shaky, but familiar, and at the bottom the ink smeared as if something wet had fallen on it. Silently, Ginny began to read.

My dearest Ginny,

I guess I'm not as strong as you thought I was. Maybe I broke too easily, but I gave up fighting for you. I want you to move on with your life. Draco Malfoy didn't exist, he didn't have cancer, and you didn't know he died. He wasn't part of your life.

_**No matter how I try**_

**_I'm still holding on_**

Even if you can't let go, I know I couldn't, please try. I don't want you imagining that every man that walks into your life is me, because that's what I did with you. It doesn't work.

_**And here's the honest truth**_

**_I'm still in love with you_**

One last thing. The present I bought you for Christmas nine years ago is in the bottom of the envelope. I love you.

Draco Malfoy

Ginny slowly tipped the envelope into her hand. There was the engagement ring.

_**That's what I really meant to say**_

Evil cliffie or what?

R/R PLEASE!


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